Every day can be #TimeToTalk Day
Blog by KIeran Bohan, MitE Chaplain
ON THE FIRST Thursday in February each year, the UK charity Time to Change helps to challenge the stigma around mental distress and promote mental well-being by encouraging everyone to take ‘Time To Talk’ about mental health.
Everyone has mental health, just like physical health – whether we enjoy it or endure it, it’s good to talk to people we can trust. Mental distress can affect one in four of us, yet many of us are still fear talking about it.
Time to Talk Day aims to encourage everyone to have a conversation about mental health – whether that’s texting a friend, chatting to a colleague or organising a stigma-busting event.
Talking about mental health can feel awkward, but it doesn't have to. As this year’s campaign video says, ‘Too many people still feel isolated and ashamed when it comes to mental health… Talking has the power to change lives.’
This has been my experience in the last four years in my role as the chaplain with the YMCA, which provides high-quality accommodation for people who are homeless or at risk of homelessness in the Liverpool City Region. The YMCA’s ethos is care for the whole person – Spirit, Mind and Body – and to help everyone find a balance between these three essential parts of ourselves that make us fully human and fully alive.
My primary aim is to offer hospitality – YMCA residents are in a home that is not of their choosing, and may spend a lot of time alone in their rooms or otherwise feeling isolated. By encouraging residents to come together for a hot drink, a snack and a chat about whatever is on their minds, I have built relationships, trust and confidence.
In the last four years I have used Time To Talk Day to focus conversations on the theme of mental health and well-being – sometimes people have also shared about how the stigma surrounding mental distress in the media and other parts of society has affected them. This year, as I considered how to plan my sessions for Time To Talk Day, I reflected on some of the conversations I have had during recent drop-in sessions at the YMCA hostels, and realised that every one has been a Time To Talk. The conversations included:
A woman who had been a young carer for her dad and hadn’t forgiven herself for not being there when he died
A mother who lost her son due to a life-limiting medical condition
A man who didn’t want to let go of the memory of his sister, but needed help to let go of the anger and resentment he was experiencing in grief
·A young man who was feeling shame and guilt because his mental distress led to an attempt to end his own life
And those are just the first four that come to mind.
One of the reasons I believe I’m a good listener for those who need to feel heard is that I’ve been there – I used to be so closed to talking about how I felt that, at times, I was fit to burst. At other times I was so open that I made myself vulnerable among people I couldn’t trust to keep my confidentiality. Now I’ve learned to find the balance between the two more often than not, and to help others do the same.
I’ve also learned that we are all more or less vulnerable at some time in our lives. The English word ‘vulnerable’ comes from the Latin word ‘vulnus’, meaning ‘wound’, a physical injury. So to be vulnerable literally means ‘able to be wounded’ (physically or emotionally) - It doesn’t mean we’re weak. We’re all in need of support sometimes - there is no shame in it, and remembering that can give me more compassion for others. Life is precious and fragile, and most of us would struggle, as many of the YMCA’s residents do at times, if we didn’t have family and friends to turn to at times of crisis.