What Defines You
by Debbie Williams, MitE Volunteer Coordinator
It is said that two things define us: our patience when we have nothing and our attitude when we have everything. I believe that patience is one of the hardest things for humans to learn and practice, I know I certainly find it to be. This is true perhaps even more so in Western society where we seem to want everything on immediate demand rather than waiting and working for, and then savouring it.
However hard it is to action, I would suggest that learning to be patient when we have nothing, or perhaps when we think we have nothing, is not about accepting that this is to be our lot in life. It’s more about being able to live in the moment enough to enjoy life’s simple pleasures and maybe recognising that a comfortable level of living is to be valued and appreciated. So many of us these days feel hard done by if we can’t have the latest gadgets, or worried about our children being bullied or belittled if they can’t have everything their friends have, so that life becomes a torment of wanting more and ‘better’. Working harder and longer hours in order to be able to provide those things but losing time and energy to spend on those quality moments with family are moments that we can never get back once we have lost them. A home where we can be safe or a community where we can feel valued and participate equally regardless of whether we work or how much we earn or what things we own are central to being. When did those things stop being so important to us at their most basic level? How do we go about re-learning to fully enjoy those things and to be thankful for each of those blessings? Can we learn to not be afraid to sometimes want more whilst always being mindful of what is motivating us and absolutely always remembering to be kind.
Like-wise our attitude when we have, or appear to have, everything is key. We may not think that we have everything, but there is nearly always someone in this world who is worse off than us and who would look at our life with envy, wishing that they had what we have. If we learned to be more generous with our time, our knowledge, our hearts and our money then would there be less envy in the world or less looting whenever there is unrest over injustice? There will always be people who want more but if there were more people willing to share more of what they have and if there were less divergence between the wealthiest and the poorest would there be less unrest and a lot more difficulty feeding violent protest?
Having patience when we have nothing materially is easier if we feel valued for our attributes and our contribution to our community. People value actions and no matter how little we have materially there are little kindnesses that cost nothing but mean a lot to those whose lives we touch. How often are these little kindnesses devalued when we live in a world that puts money and possessions over everything else? Living in this kind of world, how hard does make it for us to risk sharing our good fortune and possessions? How hard does it make it for us to respect those who make different life choices or struggle to fit in with societal norms? How hard does it make it for us to accept those who simply look different to us because of the colour of their skin, the clothes they wear, or because they have a disability? How do you want to be defined? What legacy do you want to leave to those whose lives you touch?
Difficult questions require a lot of reflection and that’s one of the things that I love about my faith. It challenges and encourages me to keep reflecting on and adjusting my values and reactions. Repent in Christian terms means to change your behaviour, to shift the way that you think about something and to alter your actions because of that. It results in turning around and walking a different path. This kind of reflection helps me to constantly develop my self-awareness, to recognise the way that conversations and situations are impacting me and, just as importantly, to think about the way that my reactions, verbal and non-verbal may be impacting others around me.
Anyone can learn to be more self-aware, it’s a big part of many personal development courses, mindfulness teaching and self-development techniques. Although it’s hard to learn and own some of the things that developing self-awareness teaches us about ourselves and our attitudes and beliefs, it is a hugely life enriching experience and can make a world of difference to our relationships with others.
As a useful starting point you can find a whole load of self-awareness videos on TED talks here if you’d like to explore this further. I have found these really helpful.