Heart and soul
Blog by Debbie Williams, MitE Regional Volunteer Co-ordinator
The Well-being Triangle
Soul is often the word that we use to describe our innermost being. The part of ourselves that we hold to be the most precious and authentic. Yet how many of us have the kind of self-awareness that enables us to recognise and own the characteristics of this most private, personal, hidden part of ourselves?
The Well-being Triangle (pictured) shows soul to be at the centre of self-awareness, or understanding of self, understanding of others, and the ‘other’, which is described as wonder, being able to recognise and be grateful for something outside of ourselves.
Well-being is based on being able to maintain our inner peace no matter what the outer circumstances and having a calm, settled soul. Qualities that help us to foster this inner calm include feeling confident about who we are (our identity), understanding what motivates us, having an awareness of our values and being able to reconcile our actions and emotions with our motivators so that we live out those values and reduce opportunities for inner conflict.
Another attribute that helps us to have a calm, settled soul, is self-acceptance. As our self-awareness grows, how do we feel about ourselves and the things that motivate us? Do we like ourselves and the personal attributes that we are recognising and acknowledging? Is there something that we prefer to keep hidden from other people for fear of what they will think of us? Is there something that we need to work on for us to be able to like ourselves more? Are there things about ourselves that we need to learn to accept because no matter what we change or do, there will always be some people that we can’t please.
We are often our own harshest critics, so developing self-awareness is sometimes about recognising when we are being too hard on ourselves and learning to live with some of our imperfections, making a conscious decision about which attributes we need to develop and which ones we need to learn to live more comfortably with.
Learning to acknowledge and accept our own personal attributes and motivators can be very helpful in enabling us to develop better relationships with others. As we learn more about ourselves, we tend to recognise more of the things that cause others to behave in certain ways and we often become more understanding and patient towards other people. It also helps us to find ways of reaching out to and relating to other people as we recognise similar traits and needs in them. This level of understanding and empathy enables us to create more authentic and meaningful connections with others. To engage in more fulfilling and rewarding friendships and interactions with those around us.
The final part of the diagram shows us how important it is for our soul to be able to connect with something ‘bigger’ than ourselves - something that is outside of our everyday lives, something bigger and more powerful than we are, something that transcends us. It is this final connection that enables us to experience wonder and awe, to feel grateful, a deep sense of gratitude that we are alive to these sensations.
Each of these components discussed above ‘feed’ our soul but, for me, the ability to experience something of the wonder that is within life around me every day is the key factor in increasing my sense of well-being. Experiencing the beauty of a butterfly nestling on buddleia or watching the sunset, hearing the birds singing as the sun comes up, and seeing nature unfold herself ready for the day- those are the things that create a sense of calm and peace, a sense that all is right with the world, often described as ‘taking time to smell the roses’. How often do we really give ourselves space to breathe as we go through our days?
As Christians we are taught that living our faith is about being in right relationship with God, each other and with our wider community - that struck me powerfully when I saw that the completeness of individual soul is shown here as being in right relationship with self, others and something greater than ourselves. For many people, that something transcendent, or greater than self, is the awesomeness of nature or the size and wonder of the universe. I feel that too, but for me God is the creator of those things. God is the reason that I can experience the beauty of the world around me and feel the awe and wonder of creation.