Betwixt & between
Blog by Debbie Williams, MitE Volunteer Coordinator
There are times in all our lives when we feel ‘stuck’ or as though we are in between space or times. There is the ‘betwixt & between’ life stages of our teen years or metaphorical places as when a relationship ends and we are no longer part of a couple yet not ready to be single.
Perhaps we feel like this having left one job waiting to start another, or even standing on the edge of retirement about to end a life’s work and step into a very different way of life. Any such life changing episode can create a liminal space where we sit and wait and find it hard to define ourselves and recognise our identity. These challenging moments can go on for weeks or even months and can often lead to us feeling a wide range of emotions as we work through the situation or events that brought us here. Liminal spaces are transitional and transformational. Spaces where we can reflect, change and grow as we stand on the edge of the old circumstance or situation, making ready to step into the new one. As we often find ourselves in these spaces through circumstances beyond our control, like in this lockdown for instance, they can at least at first feel very negative and threatening. Transition and transformation are not words or situations that many people embrace wholeheartedly without at least some soul searching and uncertainty if not quite a bit of anxiety.
This current Covid-19 situation is certainly not of our own making and may be causing quite some anxiety, frustration and not a small amount of concern. It can definitely be described as liminal space for the majority of us as we do our bit to stay safe, take care of our families, protect the NHS and the other key workers who are keeping us going during the lockdown and try to maintain relationships effectively.
So how can we ensure that we use this liminal space as a time of positive transition in spite of this? Over recent years I’ve come to appreciate liminal space as a time of abiding with God. A space that however enforced it was through life changes I had no control over, I can choose to use in reflection, prayer, contemplation and reading. In this way I recognise with all of my senses that God is my refuge in times of trouble (Psalm 46). I don’t just know this in my mind because it’s what the Bible says, I feel it in my heart and can feel the warmth of it radiating through me as I focus on the words.
Whether we have a faith or not, we can all use reflection. Take some time out to review objectively the circumstances or situation that led us to this place. Aim for 30 minutes or so each day (set your phone alarm so that you don’t have to worry about the time). Recognise emotional responses to your thoughts and acknowledge them for a moment before setting them aside to move forward in your reflection. Examine each thought and its corresponding emotion or bodily sensation, if there is one, for a few moments and then deliberately move on to the next one. By the end of your reflection you should be able to see a pattern of emotions and bodily sensations that correspond to particular thoughts and this mindfulness practice will enable you to move more easily through future liminal spaces if they occur.
Another good way to bring some sense of calm and inner peace whilst living through liminal spaces is to engage in some form of exercise that has a focus on the breath like Yoga or Tai Chi. Any form of exercise can be a good way of channelling and dispelling anxiety as well and there are many online videos at the moment to support people to engage in exercise at home without equipment or much space to work in such as Joe Wicks PE Teacher , Lesley Sansone Walk at Home sessions or a variety of Yoga and Tai Chi videos. Any of these things can contribute to a sense of wellbeing that will in turn give us the capacity to use this transitional space more positively so that when the time comes to step in to the new reality, we are prepared and ready to take that step.
Liminal spaces will catch up with us at various times in our lives and having a personal tool box at our fingertips that will help us to consider it as a positive opportunity to rest and grow. It will enable us to manage the transition and transform into the next stage of life more comfortably.